“There is a fine line between positive body image and denial, and my dear you have cross it.”
Like someone had punched me in the stomach, I paused to find my breath, because reality had apparently knocked the wind out of me.
I have struggled with my weight my entire life, but I never suffered from poor body image. I believe myself to be beautiful, I love taking pictures, dressing cute, and generally feel pretty positively about who I am and what I have accomplished in this world.
But this joker…
In very” Dr. House” like fashion, gave me a dose of medicine that I wasn’t quite ready to swallow.
It has taken me a long time to publicly come forward with the events from that day, but atlas, I believe I am ready to share with you how facing a harsh truth from an insensitive butthead, started a lifelong lasting change in my life.
First, I’ll give you the background, 8 months after I had the twins I was struggling to lose that last 10 pounds to put me back at my pre-pregnancy weight. I decided to reach out to a local weight loss support clinic for additional accountability and resources. I had not predicted the dose of harsh reality that was administered to me that day.
Could it be true? I thought to myself after delicately contemplating punching this guy in the face. Could all my confidence and self-love be holding me back from making responsible decisions in my life in regards to health and wellness? How many excuses have I given myself over the years? How many times did I say I wanted to change and then continued the same poor habits? Okay, This jerk had a point, but I was here at the natural weight loss clinic for support to get healthy, not for an intervention! He continued to tell me I was 100 pounds overweight and that it simply came down to irresponsibility. The weight I was with my family history was irresponsible.
I detested this word: irresponsible. I never knew how much I hated this word until he used it to describe me. Haven’t I strived to do the right thing? Didn’t I try to positive affect the lives of those around me? I paid my bills, got my education, kept regular doctor and dentist appointment, voted in elections, participated in local politics, cared for my husband and children, drove the speed limit. With the exception of never turning library books back on time, I was the epitome of a responsible person. But the intervention continued.
“ Look upon your children,” He prompted me, “They need you. They need you to be healthy, and have energy, and to have a positive body image based on being a healthy person not based in denial. You are taking away their opportunity to learn good habits, and to have self-esteem that is centered on healthy lifestyle choices, and that is if you live long enough to affect them in such a way.”
First reaction: Why is this ****head acting like I’m dying, I’m healthy other than my weight? And did he really just imply I would damage my children if I didn’t die? Who pays this guy? Like fat is the worst thing I could be? As if fat is worse than unkind, selfish, or bitter? I don’t have to take this! I’m out of here.
Second reaction: Oh shoot…he is right….
Everything he said was true. Sometimes the hardest realities to face are the ones that you didn’t even think were that big of an issue. All that lies I told myself contributed to not only my inaction, but also me gaining more weight.
I’m too busy, I’m just so hungry, just this vacation and then I’ll get back on track. I’m just to overwhelmed, I’m just too exhausted, I’m too tired to work out, I just really need to focus on school, I just really need to focus on work, It is important that I take care of my family first etc.
This jerk made me realize something that those who loved me too much couldn’t. He hurt me to break the fogged glass shielding me from the full truth. So here is my acknowledgments to what I have learned.
- I cannot do for others, if I do not first do for myself. I will not positive affect the lives of others, If I do not spend the time and energy to first positively shape my own. I must choose me. I cannot cross an ocean for those I love, and then refuse to jump over a puddle for myself.
- I will continue to love myself and have positive body image.
- However, just because I can maintain positive body image doesn’t mean I can’t make steps to make it better. I know this to be true in other areas of my life. I wasn’t un-pleased with my degree when I ventured back to school for a masters. Families are not unhappy with their existing children when they decide to grow their family more. In fact, most times we pursue change or personal development it is because we have an interests or passion for that area not because we are unhappy.
So no Doc. I will not give up my self-happiness or confidence in exchange for being “skinny”…but
I will make lifelong changes to improve on myself. I will think about the responsibility I have to eat right and exercise regularly. I will be the example my children deserve.
And most of all I will continue to be me. Smiley, happy, and full of love for others and myself.
So this is my story now. And I am finally ready to share. This is how I lost my weight, by recognizing that lies I told myself, accepting my role in my weight gain as irresponsible, and seeking to have a positive body image that is supported by a healthy life style. And Although I will never agree with that Dr. that I should lose 100 pounds, I do strive to become a person who looks and feels awesome because I eat healthy and exercise.
Since March I have lost the 10 pounds of pregnancy weight, plus 23 more pounds since the beginning of summer. It is a slow process. But today the weight on the scale marks the least I’ve weighed in two years. And that is something to be proud of. Small victories will lead to an overall lifestyle change.
Yet, the idea of doing an invention for that doctor every now and again pops into my head as motivation too…
To those struggling to lose weight, after twins, after c section, or just after a day in the crazy world we call life, I’m here for you.
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What is your biggest struggle with body image?
Have you made steps to be healthier? Leave info in comment below to help me and others!
No matter how strong a marriage is, there are times when the demands of career, finance, and kids force distance between a husband and wife.
And what comes next is what makes or breaks a marriage. Pulling each other right back in, making the world quiet, and grow even closer together. What better way to grow closer, than through the word of God.
I sent my husband a picture scripture for thirty days and documented the things I noticed:
- I found myself to have more patience.
- I noticed I seemed to smile more.
- My kids were less cranky and happier.
- My husband texted me more endearments throughout the day. (Hi Babe, Love you, Miss you etc).
- I found myself less worries about fiances or other worldly anxieties.
- My Husband began to come home smiling.
- I kept surprising myself with how much I got done during the day
- I found myself okay with the things I did not get accomplished.
- My husband seemed softer, and better understanding of the challenges I face while home with the kids throughout the day.
- My husband became a calming presence in the home for me and the babies.
- We spent more time cuddling.
- We found ourselves closer to God and each other.
Send a text message with love and the words of God, and you will feel the presence of the spirit in your life. Here is my pinterest board with most of the text pictures in the link below:
How have you told/shown your significant other you loved them? Leave A comment below sharing your ideas.
As a teacher you are used to taking on a lot, knowing that somehow, by the grace of God you’ll find a way to get it all done.
This has been the biggest change for me during this pregnancy.
Being pregnant with Twins meant taking care of myself by eating regular meals, not over committing myself to other activities, and sometimes doing nothing at all.
Welcome to the world of twins!
1. Strangers will ask you how you conceived.
I believe the way my husband and I got pregnant would be a personal matter. Whenever asked this question I always want to fire it back. “And how did you conceive?” Although my husband and I are conceived what the doctors call a spontaneous conception of twins, there is no shame in having fertility treatments to help become a family. At times if I felt uncomfortable sharing with the checkout lady at the grocery store, after she asked “Did you get pregnant with twins naturally?” I would just pretend to be really confused and say slowly “I… don’t….know….” Keep a sense of humor, it helps!
2. Double the hormones can mean double first trimester pregnancy symptoms.
So tired I could barely function and then week 11-18 so sick I couldn’t function at all. Every woman is different, but for me, I couldn’t keep a meal down for most meals week 11-16. My best advice: Find a doctor who is respects you enough to listen to you. It will make it easier to find remedies that you are comfortable with and help you maintain your job if you need to miss work due to extreme morning sickness.
3. Second trimester pelvic pain/ pressure? Don’t Ignore it
Do NOT let a doctor tell you this is normal, before verifying it is not something! (This is that part again about having a doctor that respects you). Twin pregnancies have an increase risk of developing UTIs and bladder infections because of all the extra pressure on your pelvis. HERE is the KICKER, when pregnant you will often not feeling normal symptoms of a UTI: frequent peeing (already doing that), burning (suppressed by hormones), feeling like you can’t get anything out (pressure will ensure you do), therefore you could have a UTI and not even feel any different besides pelvic pressure.
UTI’s when pregnant can be very common, but should be treated seriously. In a twin pregnancy UTIs (especially in the 2nd trimester) can lead to contractions. Contractions can lead to a shorter cervix, which can lead to preterm labor a major concern for twin pregnancy.
4. Is it braxton hicks or contractions?
I began contractions at 19 weeks. I was told by my doctor they were Braxton Hicks contractions. A week later, I sought out a second opinion, they were not Braxton Hicks, they were contractions caused by an untreated UTI and the infection was now putting my kidney’s under stress. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! My doctor (the good one) gave me a basic breakdown: last more than an hour, coming at more and more regular intervals, not leaving with changing position, emptying bladder, or drinking water…. These are contractions. Her Advice: If you’re experiencing pain (not discomfort, but pain) your doctor should be making sure it is not anything else before deciding it is just Braxton Hicks.
See more information here:
5. Eating the right amount for you and your babies!
300 additional calories is all your body need extra when pregnant, right? Not always. At 26 week I went into preterm labor. They were able to stop it, but from than on I had biweekly ultrasounds to check the babies, and their weight gain was a primary priority. It’s important to follow doctors orders. In my case it seems that being pregnant with twins put a lot of demand on my body. Although I felt like I was eating plenty, I continued to lose weight from week 26-28.
I had to start eating for three. high calorie shakes, smoothies, protein with every meal. Ignore other people, and listen to your doctor. Every pregnancy is different.
6. Your due date is super flexible!
This is true with all pregnancies, but even more so with multiples. 36-37 weeks is considered full term for Twins. The majority of Twins are born prior to 35 weeks. Everyone and Everyone set of twins is different but here is what I wish I would have done:
Baby shower: by 24 weeks, you’ll look pregnant enough and will be more comfortable. You also won’t have to cancel if you end up in the hospital with preterm labor like I did.
Maternity photos: Do some throughout your pregnancy, but get a good session in by 26 weeks. (Check my preparing for baby page for DIY maternity photo ideas).
Hospital bag: get this packet by 24 weeks. Trust me. If it sits packed it won’t bother you. I ended up in the hospital after an ultrasound for three days with no slippers, no flipflops for the shower, no conditioner, no hair brush. describing to my husband the list of everything I wanted from home always resulted in something still being left behind.
7. Making two people is really hard.
Prepare scenarios for if you end up on modified or full bedrest. Meal trains, rides, help with older children, cleaning: These are things other people can do for you to help, only you can bake those babies, so don’t be to proud to accept all the help you can get.
I hope some of my experience is helpful to others. Follow me on pinterest or visit my blog for more post coming soon like: Morning sickness remedies, Ideas and activities to do on bedrest, and a hospital bag checklist.
Are you pregnant with twins? How has your experience been so far? Leave a comment below I would love to hear from other soon to be twin mommies.